My Journey

My journey has been along one and is not yet finished.  I have a long way to go and would like to tell you how it all started.

After I had my second child I was just feeling down and out, it was this empty sort of feeling.  I didn’t really notice it at first and what I did notice, I thought was normal.  I was a young mom, at 23, I was really busy.  I was working and trying to finish up a diploma program for Medical Administration.   My son was three years old and my daughter only nine months.  At the time I had no clue what depression was.  I did not have time to think back then.  My worries were about my kids, money, bills, and how we were going to put food on the table, not about my mental health.  Once I finished technical school, I started working at a Mental Health clinic.  After months of working there and learning my job as a Clerical Float, I started to think that maybe I could have depression.  Still, I did not say anything to anyone, not my husband and not my family.

Then one day I was taking my son and daughter to the park.  As I was walking over a freeway bridge the image of me throwing my children over the bridge came to mind.  That thought terrified me and will stick with me for the rest of my life.  This is when I realized that I needed to seek help and started asking some questions.

I found a Therapist and Psychiatrist, got on some medication and starting to work though my depression.  It took months of treatment, but I finally began to feel better.  It is through these early days of treatment that I was diagnosed with Dysthymic Disorder.

More than 20 years have past sense those early days and I have had many ups and downs.  My depression comes and goes like the tides of the oceans.  For many years now I have wanted to share my story and write a blog to help bring understanding to this disease. I have had a ton of different ideas, but each and every time I thought about it, I also found a reason for why I could not.  Until now!

My Journey is to be continued…