The Hills and Valleys of Depression
Everything was going great, I was jazzed about my blog, the people it could reach, the people that I could help. I hadn’t seen my therapist in a while so when I went to see her this last week I was pretty pumped up and spilled my guts out for about 30 minutes about what I had been up to.
After I left my therapy appointment though, I started to feel tired and the feeling just got worse and worse. At first I did not think anything of it, it had been a long week after all. I was going on day five of my work week and with the newness of juggling my blog, work and family I felt tired that was all. Oh so I thought!
Then I got home, I don’t know what the trigger was, a messy house, the dust, so many people around wanting my time and attention. It could have just been the over-stimulation. All I know is that my happiness and my energy evaporated like a puff of smoke. POOF!!! I did what I always do and just used the excuse that I was tired. I wasn’t really lying, because I really was tired; but, I was just more then tired I was going into the that dark valley that I did not care so much about. How long would I stay this time?
As my brain continued down this path. All those negative words started to fill up my brain ~ What happened? ~ Your tired that’s all! ~Exhausted, just get some rest ~ and then the words in my head started to get darker. No one likes you ~ you have no friends ~ why does this always happen ~ you just don’t fit in ~ everyone hates you ~ I just can’t keep going ~ I wish everyone would just leave me alone ~ and finally the regret that I can’t stop the words, force myself to feel better to just be happy. That I know that I have to just wait it out.
So after a restless night of sleep, this morning I decided to create some art, to get it out in art form and maybe it would help me to get rid of the demons.
The picture is of a window and outside is a rain storm that is just grey and angry. As I look out the window the rain is dropping those words and once the words get soaked up by the earth, it is my hope that they just disappear from inside my head.
In order for me to understand why this happens, I went in search of some information. I did not find much out there other than yes we do have ups and downs, everyone really has ups and downs regardless of whether or not there is depression involved. But when depression is there, the ups and downs are much worse. Louise stated,
“My experience with depression leads me to describe one of its worst features: its variable symptoms. These symptoms not only make the experience of depression particularly distressing for the patient but also confuse and mislead those who deal with the depressed person. No one really wants to meet or speak with someone who is depressed. Whenever a positive change occurs, everyone hopes that it is a permanent improvement. When this proves not to be so, impatience soon appears.”
“Depressed persons soon find that many people avoid them. Only the “normal” or “up” phases of the disease are acceptable to others. But rejection during the “down” phases can considerably add to the depression.”
What Louise said rings so true to someone who is battling depression and it is not something that I can really change. Perception is the reality of life, so to speak. So, I started to look for information on how I could cope.
Write it out: When we are hitting that valley, if we can take the time to write our thoughts and emotions down it helps us to figure out what is really upsetting us or worrying us. It also gives us a way to get it out of our head.
Say something: If there is someone you can trust about what’s going on talk to them. They can often bring in a new or different perspective.
Do something: Think about what has triggered this valley and do something, anything big or small to address it.
For me, I am using this blog post to write it out and I created some art to help put it down on paper a creative way.
One of the biggest things that I learned from this journey was that I am not alone and if you are suffering from depression you are not alone either. So if you are stuck in a valley verses on top of the hill, do something, write in a journal, go talk with a trusted friend or family member, take a walk, go for a bike ride, or draw a picture.
If you are a family member or a friend of someone you know who is going through the hills and valley’s of their depression, be there for them even when the going gets tough. That is when we fill most alone, misunderstood, and unloved.
Peace & Blessings,
